THE LAUGHLINE TOP 10 LISTS
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Doctors Notes On Patients Charts
- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year
- On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
- She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
- The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1997.
- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
- Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
- Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
- The patient refused an autopsy.
- The patient has no past history of suicides.
- Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
- Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
- Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
- Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
- Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
- She is numb from her toes down.
- While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
- The skin was moist and dry.
- Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
- Patient was alert and unresponsive.
- Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
- She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
- Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
- Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
- The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead.
- Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
- The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
- Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
- Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.