PODDYS RELIGIOUS JOKES

Heaven's Getting Crowded

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the
admittance policy.  The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you
had to have a really bummer day on the day that you died.  The policy would
go into effect at noon the next day.  So, the next day at 12:01, the first
person came to the gates of Heaven.

The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man,
"Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you
died."

"No problem," the man said.  "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my
lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair.  But her lover was nowhere
in sight; immediately I began searching for him.  My wife was half naked and
yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.  Just as I was about to
give up I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was
a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips!  The nerve of that guy!

Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to
the ground.  But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes
that broke his fall and he didn't die.  This ticked me off even more.  In a
rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to
throw at him.  Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the
refrigerator.  I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it
over the side.  It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!  The excitement of
the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost
instantly."

The Angel sat back and thought a moment.  Technically, the guy did have a
bad day.  It was a crime of passion.  So, the Angel announces, "OK sir.
Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up.  Greetings, friend: before I can
let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died,"
The man said, "no problem.  But your not going to believe this, I was on the
balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises.  I had been
under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress.
I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the
side!  Luckily, I was able to catch myself by my finger tips on the balcony
below mine.  But all of a sudden this crazy man comes out of his apartment,
starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers.  Well, of course I fell.  I hit
some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so didn't die right
away.  As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in
excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off
the balcony.  It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me killing me
instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story.  "I
could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself.  "Very well sir,"
the Angel announces.  Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the man
enter.

A few seconds later, President Clinton comes up to the gate.  The Angel is
almost too shocked to speak.  Thoughts of assassination and war pour through
the Angel's head.  Finally he says "Mr.  President, please tell me what it
was like the day you died.

"Clinton says, "OK, picture this.  I'm naked inside a
refrigerator..........and.......
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