THE PODDYS TOP 10 LISTS
THE PODDYS DIRECTORY MAIN INDEX
PREVIOUS JOKE
JOKE INDEX
NEXT JOKE
Top Ten Reasons For Being French
French etc that is. It's only a joke folks, so please don't get upset if your nationality is featured below.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH:
- When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay
- Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time
- You get to eat insect food like snails and frogs legs
- If there's a war you can surrender really early
- You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night foreign films on Channel 4
- You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries
- You can be ugly and still be a famous film star
- Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street
humiliating your sense of national pride
- You don't have to bother with toilets, just shit in the streets
- People think you're a great lover even when you're not.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN:
- You can have a woman president without electing her
- You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
- You can call Budweiser beer
- You can be a crook and still be a president
- If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything
- If you can breathe you can get a gun
- You get to be really obese
- You can play golf in the most hideous clothes and nobody cares
- You get to call everyone you've never met 'buddy'
- You can think you're the greatest nation on earth
10a. When you're not
10b. At all
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
- Two world wars and one world cup, doo-dah doo-dah
- Proper beer
- You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket
- You get to accept defeat gracioulsy in major sporting events
- Union Jack underpants
- Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
- You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power
- Bathing once a week - whether you need it or not
- Ditto changing underwear
- Beats being Welsh
10a. Or Scottish
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN:
- In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes
- Unembarrassed to wear fur
- No need to worry about tax returns
- Glorious military history prior to 400 AD
- Can wear sunglasses inside
- Political instability
- Flexible working hours
- Live near the Pope
- Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair
- Country run by Sicilian murderers
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH
- Glorious history of killing South Amercian tribes
- The rest of Europe think Africa begins in the Pyrenees
- You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc.
- The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans
- Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing
- Honesty
- Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight
clothes and risk your life in front of bulls
- You get to eat bull's testicles
- Gibraltar
- Supported Argentina in Falklands War
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN:
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN:
- Chicken Madras & Cobra Lager
- Lamb Passanda & Cobra Lager
- Onion Bhaji & Cobra Lager
- Chicken Tikka Massala & Cobra Lager
- Rogan Josh & Cobra Lager
- Bombay Potato & Cobra Lager
- Popadoms & Cobra Lager
- Chicken Dopiaz & Cobra Lager
- Meat Boona & Cobra Lager
- Kingfisher Lager
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH
- You've got to be kidding, right?
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH:
- Guinness
- 18 children because you can't use contraceptives
- You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road
- Pubs never close
- Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second
Vatican Council of 1968 to pursuade your girlfriend that you
can't have sex with a condom on.
- No one can ever remember the night before
- Kill people you don't agree with
- Stew
- More Guinness
- Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the
morning after a bout of sectarian violence
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN:
- It beats being American
- Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital
to the ground
- You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors
- Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital
to the ground
- Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
- A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her
popularity ratings will rise.
- Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital
to the ground
- Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in
their skins
- Own-an-Eskimo scheme
- Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital
to the ground
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN:
- Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bastard that no
civilised nation on earth wanted
- Fosters Lager
- Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000
years because you think it belongs to you.
- Cricket captain not afraid to cry live on TV
- Tact and sensitivity
- Bondi Beach
- Other beaches
- Liberated attitudes to homosexuals
- Drinking cold lager on the beach
- Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.