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SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, 
   he is using you to heat the family room this winter. 
   Rather than just saying you are not  amused, you shoot him.

3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

4. Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home." And you reply, 
   "Well, if it isn't Ozzie f---ing Nelson."

5. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult 
   gives you four hours of decent rest.

6. You change your underwear after every sneeze.

7. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop 
   on a field trip to Chippendales.
  

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