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BEFORE AND AFTER MARRIAGE

BEFORE - You take my breath away.
AFTER  - I feel like I'm suffocating.

BEFORE - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation.
AFTER  - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac.

BEFORE - Saturday Night Fever
AFTER  - Monday Night Football

BEFORE - Don't stop.
AFTER  - Don't start.

BEFORE - Is that all you're having?
AFTER  - Maybe you should have just a salad, Honey.

BEFORE - $60/doz.
AFTER  - $1.50/stem

BEFORE - We agree on everything.
AFTER  - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

BEFORE - Victoria's Secret
AFTER  - Fruit-of-the-Loom

BEFORE - Charming and Noble
AFTER  - Chernobyl

BEFORE - Idol
AFTER  - Idle

BEFORE - I love a woman with curves.
AFTER  - I never said you were fat.

BEFORE - He's completely lost without me.
AFTER  - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

BEFORE - Time stood still.
AFTER  - This relationship is going nowhere.

BEFORE - Croissant and cappuccino
AFTER  - Bagel and instant

BEFORE - You look so seductive in black.
AFTER  - Your clothes are so depressing.

BEFORE - Oysters
AFTER  - Fishsticks

BEFORE - I can hardly believe we found each other.
AFTER  - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you.

BEFORE - Passion
AFTER  - Ration

BEFORE - Once upon a time
AFTER  - The end
    

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