THE  PODDYS  LAUGH  LINE

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OIL CHANGING INSTRUCTIONS

Women:

 1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since
    the last oil change.
 2. Drink a cup of coffee.
 3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
    maintained vehicle.

Men:

 1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars
    for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner 
    and scented tree.
 2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of 
    taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in 
    back yard.
 3. Open a beer and drink it.
 4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
 7. Place drain pan under engine.
 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
 9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you 
    in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and 
    twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change 
    tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath
    car.
19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during 
    step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat 
    of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of 
    fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss
    December(1992) in the left boob.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter)
    to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Drive car


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