THE  PODDYS  LAUGH  LINE

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MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.
Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you
which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no
one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the dash key until
a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone  number,
date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully  press
000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep 
or before the beep.  Or after the beep.  Please wait for the beep.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.  All our operators are 
too busy to talk to you.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.  If you have short-term 
memory loss, press 9.  If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9, ...



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