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TURTLED

A guy comes walking into a bar with a little turtle in his hand.

The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and
his whole shell is taped together with duct tape.

The bartender asks the man:

"What's wrong with your turtle?"

"Nothing," the man responds, "this turtle is very fast.  Take your dog and
let him stand at the end of the bar.  Then go and stand at the other end
of the room and call your dog.  I'll bet you $500 that before your dog
reaches you, my turtle will be there."

So the bartender, thinking it's an easy $500, agrees.

The bartender goes to the other side of the bar, and on the count of three
calls his dog.  

Suddenly the guy picks up his turtle and throws it across the room,
narrowly missing the bartender, and smashing into the wall.

"Told you it'll be there before your dog."

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